


wings to fly, reasons to stay

by thefangirlofhp



Series: the ash in our clothes [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A study into Levihan's trust in each other, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, It's a bit random but more symbolic than anything, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) Has PTSD, levi has wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24074911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirlofhp/pseuds/thefangirlofhp
Summary: She stared at him like he’d just grown a second head (he might just properly do that, she’ll have to observe him very carefully). “You’ve kept a very tight lip about this since you were a little boy. I don’t imagine you’d want to tell anyone about it if you’ve kept quiet this long. And, I trust you. I want you to trust me, too. Know that even if I have a big mouth and will say almost anything in my sleep, I’d rather die than endanger you. I know what would happen if word got out, I don’t want to lose my best friend.”Colour was back to his face and his eyes didn’t look so guarded anymore. One wing rose gently and touched her hand. “I’ll make us tea. And tell you everything I know.”
Relationships: Hange Zoë/Levi
Series: the ash in our clothes [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707631
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	wings to fly, reasons to stay

Trusting him came as naturally as breathing; it was not something that required thinking twice about- despite his upbringing and his previous career and everyone's warnings, Hange felt that Levi was more trustworthy than ninety percent of the people she interacted with on a daily basis. Since she joined the Scouts Regiment she hadn't ever taken leave, but when the season of work was coming to an anticipated finish as it happened once a blue moon, she thought about taking leave for the first time.

She was a woman whose whole life revolved around her work, and she was always so busy to think whether she loved her job or not, but she knew that she preferred the business taking up space in her head than having nothing to think of- it was a basic summoning spell for disaster. Despite Moblit's constant nagging that she needed to take care of herself more, they always flew over her head and never registered for the long run; he always took care of any shortcomings on her part when she was too caught up in her head so there was no real dire need for the vigilance he was preaching. 

But all it took was a simple throwaway comment by the newest and least experienced Scout for her to consider how she was running. He hadn't suggested that he'd do it himself, take leave, but mentioned that she needed to see the world outside the Headquarters and give herself a break. 

"I shudder to think what's it like in your head when only one image is rotting in there," Levi had said crassly and rudely and it had somehow made sense to her. Made her think that outside the scouts, she truly had no life. 

For one, she had no place to go to. 

Despite her well off upbringing and Hange's university education that she gained while being in the military, she'd sold off every possession to her name she couldn't make use of and used the money it brought for her work. The chilling thought that she didn't even have the basic shelter to turn to scared her and it was enough to get her working on that front; investing in a new workplace for her, for Hange and not Squad Leader Zoe and the thought exhilarated her.

Thinking about whom it would be wise to share the space with nominated one immediate candidate and it was perfect in her head. 

"Hey, Levi," she caught him walking the grounds outside the buildings and making his way off the property of the Scouts Regiment. "What're you doing?" 

He glanced back mildly as he continued his journey. "Getting a decent cup of coffee."

She glanced at her watch. "Need it this late?"

"Erwin dumped paperwork at me."

"Ah. My condolences."

"Thank you."

"How'd you like to share an apartment together?"

"Excuse me?" 

"For when we take leave. Have our own living space; I don't have any and neither do you. What do you say about moving in together?"

"I don't..." he started and then quietened. "I wasn't planning on taking leave."

"Oh, Levi. Allow me to share some experienced advice with you," she walked in stride with him. "Kissing ass in the Scouts does little difference; if you live long enough then you're promoted one way or another whether you like it or not. You really become the only choice for the promotion so-"

"I'm not after that. The work is just..."

"Distracting," she agreed softly and by his surprised glance, he wasn't expecting her to understand. "But eventually you need to get your head out of the dirt, right?" 

At her soft smile, he looked away and a contemplative look took over his face. 

So really, trusting Levi was natural as the sun rising. She hadn't slept so peacefully in decades as she did when they moved in together, and she never once locked her door. She trusted him and it was a solid foundation between them. 

* * *

"Levi, sir, I'm sorry to disturb you this late," it was Berner at the door, Hange's assistant, looking worn and ragged as he always did by the end of the day. Levi's eyes took a few seconds to adjust to the dim darkness shift as he looked up from the screen he was working on and gestured for the man to enter the office. 

"What's the matter, Moblit?" Levi's glance at the clock told him it was well past midnight. "I thought you said your work is done for the week?"

Moblit rubbed his neck, almost nervously. "Yes. I mean, our current project, but you know Squad Leader Hange- work never ends."

"Unfortunately for you," steadily Levi replied, blinking slowly, waiting for the point. 

"Yes-I mean no, it's a pleasure! It's just that I need help. With Hange."

Levi blinked at the exhausted man. "Now?" 

Moblit blinked, whatever exhaustion seeping in was slowing him down and Levi felt for the run-down man. On a good day, Hange sucked the energy out of every matter, he didn't want to know what she was like wrapping up a job and was well glad that her preferred abode was in a whole different building than him. Which prompted the question of why Moblit trekked all the way to here and sought him out.

"What I mean to say," the man said quickly. "When Hange finishes a job she's often too exhausted to do anything else and when she takes a break we call it her 'Shutting down'. She is lifeless and does not respond to stimuli-"

"Moblit," intervened Levi gently. "It's two in the morning. The point?"

The poor man blinked again. "Yes! Unfortunately, Hange has shut down in the lab this time at her desk and it's full of chemicals, potentially harmful substances. On a good day of being wary, it's dangerous at least-"

"So move her," said Levi with finality, wondering why on earth the man couldn't do just that instead of wasting both their times. 

"I did. I mean, I tried to. She electrocuted me."

"Huh?"

"I mean when I tried to move her I was electrocuted the moment I touched her. I don't know what to do. I even got electrocuted when I wore insulating gloves. I need your help" 

"Fuck's sake, Shitty Glasses," Levi flicked the desk lamp off and shut the computer down. He followed Moblit out of the office and the building, into the biting cold of the night as they walked into the Applied Sciences division. The building was mostly labs and giant holding cells and Moblit led Levi to the lower labs where Hange's slumbering figure was sleeping on the desk surface, dangerously close to chemicals.

Levi walked towards her, wondering what the nature of what Moblit had described was when the man voiced a soft warning. 

"Careful-"

A small triple beeping noise sounded in the lab, and through his shirt, Levi could see a small LED light up a green colour before it flicked off. When he touched Hange, Moblit warned him again but nothing touched Levi. He scowled at Moblit for wasting his time as the man gawked.

"Electrocuted, Moblit, really?" snapped Levi. "I have more things to do than being dragged through buildings for your late-night hallucinations."

"No, really!" Shouted Moblit, shoving Levi gently aside who rolled his eyes and walked to the doors. A yelping sound behind him made him whirl around to see Moblit standing rigid as wood and stiff, his hand on Hange's shoulder. Levi immediately grabbed the nearest thing he could find -a wooden pole like a bat- and cut off the circuit and connection between Hange and Moblit who dropped to the floor gasping, grasping his wrist. 

"It's stronger," he heaved for breath while Levi stood dumbfounded. "Why can't you-?"

His eyes fell to Levi's chest as another triplet beeping noise was heard again and the LED light flashed green. Levi pulled out the small ID chip hanging around his neck and stared at the chip in his palm. Hange had told him it was laced with transmitting devices and tracers and a load of shit he hadn't cast a thought to when she gave it to him. He glanced at Moblit who shrugged helplessly and Levi was left to handle a sleeping Hange. 

When he touched her and was not miraculously electrocuted, he wound her arm around his neck and hauled her up into his arms. Moblit got to his feet and regarded him slightly. 

"Seem you're the only one untouched," he mused softly. 

Levi looked down at her head against his shoulder, her closed eyes and her thick goggles and felt his heart fuse back together in some places. Only him- just him. She trusted only him when she was most vulnerable- him, the man she knew for barely a year. He didn't know what it did to him, only that it did many things to him. In his head, he silently thanked her and quietly walked to their living quarters with Moblit where he tucked her in her made bed, removed her shoes and her goggles and made sure the windows were shut firmly against any cold wind. 

_Thank you,_ he said to her softly in his head as he closed her door, his heart just a little stronger against sorrow he knew all too well. 

* * *

He was always her friend, that one was a given with her and always introduced each other as such; colleagues at work didn’t fit it, not when they’ve been through together all they’ve been through. It was the case for everyone in the Scouts; they weren’t your friends from work, they were your family, an extension of yourself, more than friends, more than brotherhood. And with Levi, everything was a touch more special as it always was.

He doesn’t sleep- that much she learned about him during their second leave. When asked why, his scowl deepened and he shrugged. Hange would have suggested sleeping pills but worried about the effects of being addicted to them- so far he’s made it without them, and was still the amazing specimen he was, he could make it further still.

He was her friend, the bond running deeper and deeper into their cores and uniting in a strong bond built on mutual understanding and trust, and she trusted him- but what humbled her the most was that in return, he too trusted her. Not only with his life, but with something far more sincere.

She learnt it one night staying up late, enamoured with a science textbook about star formation when she heard the muffled cry and the thud against the wall. In a heartbeat she was running through the hallway to the closed door of his room and gently eased it open. The moonlight and streetlight outside gave little light to the darkened room, enough for her to make out the silhouette of her friend sitting upright in his bed, his breathing pattern off and a knife embedded in the door of the closet before him.

“Levi?” she flicked on the lights and stepped inside. He flinched against the sudden light, and watched her cross the room to the windows and pull down the blinders. She faced her friend, and was shocked to see tears in his eyes and some beginning their spilt journey down his cheeks. “What’s the matter?”

He exhaled softly and buried his face in his hands, only then did she realise he hadn’t donned a shirt and when he lowered his head and curved his torso, her eyes widened. Not at the thin sheet of practised muscles, but at the black raven feathers coming from the medial side of his shoulder blades, feathers that slicked together into two _wings_.

Soft breath abandoned her chest and her blood pumped furiously in her arteries; she knew it. She knew there was something about him, that she’d spotted something on his back when he fought Mike. She’d thought it was a tattoo but it wasn’t there at the end, and his answer was curt when she asked about it- _oh she knew it_.

“Nightmares,” he replied quietly in that tired and monotone voice of his. “Shitty nightmares.”

“Enough to fling your knife at the closet?”

He looked up and blinked, then stared at the door and scoffed. “Did I wake you?”

“Hardly. Star formation are more interesting than sleep. I can’t go to bed with something fascinating going on and I don’t know about it.”

Levi pushed aside his sheets and got to his feet, reaching for the shirt on the bedside.

“Levi,” she said hesitantly and when he looked back at her, she gestured to his back. “Are you going to tell me when you began drinking Red Bull so much?”

“What?”

“Explains your never need of sleep,” she went on. “The Red Bull, I mean. Not the wings-“

“ _What?”_

His face drained of every colour it once possessed and he looked scared. Such a look so alien on him that it never belonged to him- he’d faced giant building-tearing monsters who ate them alive and he was scared of what, _her_? It was a flattering thought, but still. While he stood facing her, she heard gentle rustle –the sound excited her; it was new, alien and different- and slowly, two large ink-black wings unfolded completely to their full size. Her jaw loosened and she was positively in love.

They peaked just over his shoulders and ended at his calves, their shape impressive and grand, the pattern –oh the pattern- of the feathers alternating. They seemed long and large vertically but they were folded to peak at his shoulders and fall to his calves. She wondered what they looked like spread clearly.

“Just because you look like you’re going to faint, there’s nothing you need to worry about,” she assured him, seeing his clenched jaw and his rigid posture. She smiled widely, “They’re beautiful, Levi.” And they were- impressive, magnificent, strange, alien and so him. “Can I- Can I look?” she couldn’t contain herself and when he said nothing she gingerly approached him as one would a terrified animal and peered at the magnificent specimens of wings. She reached out a hand and ran it along one wing.

The texture was the softest thing she’d ever felt, her hand felt like it wasn’t hers anymore, and that it had lost all touch at the wrist- the feathers were so soft that they did that to her sense of touch. She did it again and again until Levi shuddered.

“Oh! I’m sorry, can you feel it?” she excitedly asked. “My hand on them?”

He bobbed his head once.

“What’s it like?” her treacherous hand did it again because it was addicted to that cool softness.

“Like running you're hand over my arm.”

“Sorry!” she sharply withdrew her limb and clamped her hand in the other one. Her knees jolted excitedly as she peered closely at them and she couldn’t contain her joy. “These are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life!”

“Like your titans?”

“What? _No. No. No. No. No. Nooo._ Never. These officially rank higher over titans in my list of things that fascinate me.”

For what it was worth, Levi’s face softened and he wasn’t standing so rigid anymore. “I… I’ve had them since I was a boy.”

“Not when you were born?” she perked up over his shoulder where she’d circled him.

“I don’t know. I just know the first time I knew they were there when I was nine. They just... tore out of my back.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Yeah. A lot. Actually tore my back open. There wasn’t any blood though.”

She whimpered and clutched her hands together tighter. “What-What made them come out?”

He was quiet and just as she was thinking of another question to ask instead, he replied softly. “I was at one of the lowest periods of my life. I remember wanting to run away, break free. It was too much for me and then my back split open.”

“And did you? Break free?”

He shook his head. “For what it’s worth, it shackled me more.”

“So you can move them like your limbs, then? Do you need to think about it? _How do you flap them?_ _Can you fly?_ Where were they hiding all the time? How can you hide such big things inside your smaller back? How can you hide it at all? Can they go through your clothes? Oh-“

“Specs,” he intervened softly and the wings lowered from their high peak to brush the floor at their ground, she could only relate it to someone's shoulders loosening and slumping. “Tell me something-“

“Your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell a soul. But can I ask you about them? I really can’t let go of a mystery it’s my weakness-“

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why will you keep quiet about it?”

She stared at him like he’d just grown a second head (he might just properly do that, she’ll have to observe him very carefully). “You’ve kept a very tight lip about this since you were a little boy. I don’t imagine you’d want to tell anyone about it if you’ve kept quiet this long. And, I trust you. I want you to trust me, too. Know that even if I have a big mouth and will say almost anything in my sleep, I’d rather die than endanger you. I know what would happen if word got out, I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

Colour was back to his face and his eyes didn’t look so guarded anymore. One wing rose gently and touched her hand. “I’ll make us tea. And tell you everything I know.”

She beamed. “Thank you.”

He looked away, “Thank _you_.”


End file.
